The Elven Jedi Druid Hippie Arty Ranger :D (elven_ranger) wrote in lotr_cult,
The Elven Jedi Druid Hippie Arty Ranger :D
elven_ranger
lotr_cult

LOTR (twisted) humour

P>

cackle :

Film script:
Meanwhile, back in the Tombs of the Kings Denethor empties a jug of oil over his head. Faramir is also covered in oil.
 
DENETHOR: Set a fire in our flesh!
 
He stands above Faramir with his arms extended sideways. The soldiers advance on the pyre with torches in their hands. Suddenly the door bursts open Gandalf is there. Denethor turns to look at him.
 
GANDALF: Stay this madness!
 
Denethor grabs a torch and stands with it in his hand.
 
DENETHOR:  You may triumph in the field of battle for a day, but against the power that has risen in the east, there is no victory!
 
He drops the torch on the timbers, which catch alight instantly. Gandalf grabs a spear off a guard at the door and gallops up to the pyre. He knocks Denethor off the pyre to the floor. Pippin jumps from the back of Shadowfax onto the top of the pyre, he struggles but manages to roll Faramir off the top of the pyre onto the floor. He uses his hands to douse any flames that have caught on Faramir.
Denethor jumps up!
 
 
DENETHOR: NOOOOOO, you will not take my son from me! (He struggles with Pippin.)

The Rebelfilms impression of Denethor, at table in expensive restraunt.:

 Denethor empties a jug of oil over his head. This effect is equally well achieved with a glass of wine. If you do not wish to waste the wine, tip the glass only just enough so that people can see its tipped over. This may not work if you are very very very very drunk, as I discovered at the Aikido club Xmas meal, when I suddenly found wine on my head.
 
DENETHOR: Set a fire in our flesh! (say "flesh" in the manner of Gollum - flesssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, for added freaking of other diners.)
 
He stands at the table with his arms extended sideways. (note, do not whack your neighbors in the teeth) .

Denethor turns to look at random waiter. (Gandalf) Do remember you have to act REALLY startled, at the appearance of the waiter.
  
Turns back to table and glare at someone else. (preferebly a non-loony who is already wary of your weirdness anyway)
 
Denethor grabs a torch and stands with it in his hand. (In the interests of health and safety, you may wish to substitute a fork with a baked potato or similar snack on the end)
 
DENETHOR:  You may triumph in the field of battle for a day, but against the power that has risen in the east, there is no victory!

He drops the torch on the timbers, which catch alight instantly. (Jab your fork, with baked potato, viciously into your meal)

 The rest of the act deleted as it would involve running around the restraunt madly, and its not worth being chucked out and missing a yummy meal.  Might try it at a seaside picnic.

I am just miffed that so far no one has ever recorded it on camera for a picture post.

Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 0 comments